Seven

Seven years ago today Matt took me in for a scheduled c-section. She came into the world six weeks early weighing five pounds four ounces. She gave us a scare with a PDA that would not close on it's own, and spent a week in the NICU. Precious K-rock, you are an amazing little girl. Happy Birthday Baby!!!

Conflicted

So I taped Oprah's show with Jenny McCarthy from earlier this week. I had a few minutes while rocking Mav today to sit down and watch it. I have to say, I am very disturbed by the show. It was all about Autism. I am conflicted on what I think about this subject. Jenny did share her theory on why she thinks Autism is on such a rise, Immunizations. I don't really know what to think of this. It is scary to think that I could be doing something that could be harmful to my children. What are your thoughts on this?

Per Request

So my friend Hannah has been giving me a hard time about not posting, so per her request I will try to catch up and be better about posts. A lot has been going on the last couple of weeks. Karson had her cast removed last week and has been doing well without it, until this weekend. Her elbow and shoulder are looking weird again and I will be taking her to the doctor tomorrow for a recheck. Hopefully it is just swollen. We celebrated Kinley's birthday on Friday with a party at pump it up. It was mass chaos and so much fun. She had a Hannah Montana cake which she absolutely loved. And you know it is not a party with the Trent family unless someone gets hurt. Maddox knocked heads with his friend Sam Coit and woke up the next morning with a black eye, his first shiner. After the party was over, we picked up pizza and the girls each had a friend spend the night. Their first official girly sleepover. All in all a great weekend!! Giddy up for another busy week!!

Boy Humor

maddox- mom do you want a power ranger cake for your birthday?

me- sure buddy

maddox- I'm going to make you one with a waffle, syrup, and sprinkles

me- that sounds great!!

maddox- how old are you right now?

me- 29

maddox- how old are you on your birthday?

me- 30

maddox- that's a lot of numbers mom

me- i know buddy

I love little boy humor!!!

So since school has started back I am in the routine of dropping off, picking up, dropping off, picking up you get the picture. My car is a restaurant, changing station, shopping basket. It is packed out with backpacks, car seats, leftover french fries, and sippie cups. I don't think it will ever be clean again, and that is really starting to be okay with me. Gotta let the control issues go sometimes Right?

I have volunteered to help out with the school carnival and am starting to see that it is going to be a lot of work, fun, but a lot. The kids seem to be back in the swing of things which is good because I don't know that I could have handled many more after school/need a nap meltdowns. Kinley turns SEVEN on the nineteenth of this month. That makes me crazy. Really is it hard for me to believe that seven years have passed by so quickly. My seven year old first grader, hard to get my head around. She is an extraordinary girl, a leader by nature, brilliant, strong!!! She demands our attention which is good because sometimes with everything going on with Karson she gets overlooked. She definitely makes me smile and I am very proud to be her mama.

News

Oklahoma news is such a joke. Every time something interesting happens they have to get the biggest, gap toothed, hairnet wearing, hick to give us the details on it. Seriously, this is not the way to represent the state. How annoying!!!

Funny

Maddox at dinner tonight-

"mom, did you take the crabs out of these?"
me: "What buddy?"
maddox: "Well these are shells aren't they?"

Who knew shells and cheese could be such fun!

I haven't felt much like blogging the last few days. I did take a great picture of the flowers outside my bedroom window. My mother-in-law planted them a few years ago and I have to say this is the best they have ever looked. Just another reminder that life goes on. We are coming up on the third anniversary of her death and I am starting to feel that anxious feeling that I get in September. The sadness still seems to linger in this house, thicker over the next few weeks than normal. I miss you Treva and life may have gone on but has NEVER been the same since you died.

Back to School

How do you know school is back in session in my house? It is 7:30 and all four of my children are asleep!!!! We are back in business! This photo was taken this morning before school. I know I am biased but my kids are pretty dang cute!!

Wondering

So I found out today that my neighbor passed away last week. His name was Sonny Briscoe and he was in his eighties. He was an amazing man and he always gave such wonderful complements. His passing has made me wonder what people would have to say about me if I passed tomorrow. I know this is probably morbid but I can't help it. Would a smile pass by their face? Would I be known as someone that people loved and wanted to be with, or would there be that underlying quietness of a life unfulfilled? I want to do better, to be remembered with such fondness, to have really made a difference in people's lives. How will you be remembered?

Unexpected

So in a nutshell our weekend at the lake didn't go as planned. My friend Hannah and I decided we would go down a day early with the kids and get everything set up for the weekend. Six kids and two moms and a load of manly labor to do. I have to say that we managed to get the boat and seadoo out without the loss of any children. I had no idea it was going to be so difficult. This was also a weekend of great injury. Hannah broke her toe the first night, when the boys arrived on Friday they got everything set up for their bike ride the next morning. They returned from the bike ride with a Kevin hurt and bleeding. Oh yes, he crashed. So a shower and a couple of Aleve later we were ready to get out on the water. That is when the mother of the accidents occurred. Karson tripped over the boat tie up and landed on her elbow. She is one tough cookie and it didn't take very long to see that something was really wrong with her arm. So after an afternoon spent in Eufala ER we were told that she had broken her elbow and we would need to see a surgeon on Monday. Are you effin kidding me!!! We already had a heart appt. and a neuro appt. set for Monday because school starts this week. Now we had this too. Anyway, we received pretty good news at both the heart and neuro appointments. Today we went to see the surgeon. More x-rays and we were told that she had broke her elbow and there is a crack in her growth plate. The surgeon asks if he can try to straighten it out right there and see if he can get it into place without surgery. He got is straight and wrapped it in a bright pink cast (picked out by Karson). He feels that her bones should fuse back over the next four to six weeks. Thank goodness, no surgery. School starts on Thursday and she is set with a package of Sharpies. This girl is AMAZING. She did not even shed a tear today, and you know that is had to hurt like a mother. We picked up her best friend Victoria on the way home and Matt took the two of them to see a movie. They even had their picture made in a photo booth. A great end to a not so great weekend.

Kenzie

This is a picture of my niece Mackenzie. She leaves for college tomorrow. What a day of mixed emotions for her parents. My sister in law Tammy adopted Mac eighteen years ago and it is absolutely killing her to let her go. It is easy to be an outsider and say "oh this is just a part of the growing up process" but I cannot even begin to imagine what it will be like to send my girls off to school. I think it will be different with the boys. Girls seem much more vulnerable, fragile. I have had the pleasure of knowing Mac for the last nine years. She is an amazing young lady who in my opinion puts way to much pressure on herself. She has done everything in her life with great passion and perfection. I have no doubt that she will be successful in whatever life path she chooses to pursue. Keep your head on straight and follow what is in your heart, and remember to take care of yourself first. I love you so much!!!!!! Know that our door is ALWAYS open no matter what hour it is. Be good and strong and I will keep your mother company.

Us and Them

Yesterday we had a reception for Bob(my father in-law) and his new wife Mary. They were married in April and they wanted to get everyone together for a little meet and greet. Mary has three daughters, Bob has two daughters and Matt (my hubby). They are all around the same age, the older two being ten years older than the youngest, just like Matt and his sisters. Mary is absolutely wonderful, it is impossible not to like her. She is very down to earth and she loves my kids as if they were her own. This makes a mama very happy. She has a special fondness for Maverick and shared with me that she lost her son when he was two. She lost her husband to cancer several years ago, I thing maybe five? Bob lost Treva almost three years ago. They both have very much in common. Her daughters are great. Very easy to talk to and a lot of fun. I have always heard that these types of meetings can be really difficult, but everyone seemed to mesh together like we had known each other for years. Bob and Mary looked very happy, I am sure they were a little nervous about all of us meeting. Bittersweet would be the best way to describe it, Bittersweet.

I have a lot of back posting to do. We have been at the lake almost every weekend since the rain stopped. The kids start back to school next week so I will have a little more time to blog. I also have to figure out how to do the picture mosaics. Add it to the gigantic list of "to do's". I have managed to get absolutely nothing productive done this summer. Oh well there is always fall, right?

All for now

I am holding my breath when I hear the phone ring, looking at the caller id to see if it is her. It is and I wave my arm wildly to silence the kids. I have been waiting for this call for a week-waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I have the results of Karson's MRI." (not breathing, saying a quick silent prayer) The mass has remained the same size as before (huge sigh) BUT (big gulp) there is a new area of fluid on the brain." Confused, I ask what she means. She goes on to tell me that not only does the fluid remain at the back of the brain she has developed a new spot. She is not ready to do any surgery yet she says. She asks me if there have been any complaints of headache-I say no. This is something we will just be keeping a very close eye on. Then I am told that the large area of grey matter that causes the seizures will always be there. I think I knew this already just not everything that it would entail. The grey matter causes developmental delays. Finally an answer but at the same time my heart is devastated to hear this. I love her so very much and I am not ready to accept a life of constant monitoring, and medicine that she hates, and developmental setbacks. The neurologist asks me how she is doing in school and I vomit the truth to her-no candy coating this time. She says that we need to get her on an IEP for other health conditions. She is writing us a letter stating the exact diagnosis. I will set up a meeting with the principal tomorrow to get the ball rolling on the IEP testing.

I can't help but feel guilty and I am not sure why. Like I could do something different, change things. I know this is immature, my fairytale way of thinking. But hey whatever gets you through. I was having a little pity party earlier this afternoon and Matt said that "if we are only looking at developmental delays then we have it pretty good." He is so right (don't ever tell him I said that-ha, ha)

We have a cardio appointment on Wednesday and a urology appointment next week. I am definitely ready for the summer of testing to be over.

Firsts

smile, crawl, laugh, step, walk, haircut. maverick has officially crossed over into big baby land. his very proud papa gave him his first haircut yesterday. bob the barber came out of retirement for this very occasion. mav loved his cut laughing through the entire thing. there is something about this new do that makes him look very ornery(don't know if this is spelled right). i am a very proud mama, much much love for this little boy.

So we just returned from the Lake today. We put a house in at Eufala and it is absolutely amazing. We went down to celebrate the Forth. The kids had a blast popping fireworks, Kinley even managed to burn her foot with a sparkler. Can't ever be to careful right? My dad, step mom and brother came down for an afternoon. My brother is recovering from a manic episode and the lake provided some much needed R&R for everyone. He had so much fun riding the seadoo-with one of us driving of course. My dad even shocked us by wearing his speedo swim suit. Thank goodness we had all had a few drinks by then. Anyway, overall we had a great time. Here a few pics of the kids on the deck. Oh and by the by-Maverick started walking this weekend.

Test

Things went well today with Karson. No sign of Kidney reflux. Looks like we have a muscle control issue. We are heading to the lake for the forth so I will post when we return. Later

Music

I absolutely LOVE MUSIC!!!!!!! It speaks to me in ways I cannot even begin to articulate. Today I was driving and listening to Jack Johnson. This song spoke volumes to me.

NO OTHER WAY

When your mind is a mess so is mine I can't sleep
Because it hurts when I think when my thoughts aren't at peace
With the plans that we make and the chances we take
They're not yours they're not mine
There are waves that can break
All the words that we said and the words that we mean
And the words can fall short, can't see the unseen
Because the world is awake so for somebody's sake
Woman, please get some sleep

Sleep and know that if I knew all of the answers
I would not hold them from you
Know all of the things that I know
Because we told each other there is no other way

Too much silence can be misleading
We don't really need to find reason
Because out the same door that it came well it's leaving
It's leaving
Leaving like day that's done and part of a season
resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
When we wake we would find, our minds would be free
To go to sleep

Sleep and know that if I knew all of the answers
I would not hold them form you
Know all of the things that I know
Because we told each other there is no other way


Karson goes in for kidney testing on Monday and I am not at peace!! Please pray for us.

Girls Night

Kinley is staying at her Aunt Tammy's house for a few days so I've had a chance to spend some one on one time with Karson. Last night we went to get a pedicure. We had so much fun. It was such a joy to watch her, picking out her color, soaking her feet, enjoying the massage chair. These are the types of things that I love about her getting older.

Sometimes I feel that I no longer have anything to offer the public. I feel my mind has become a giant bowl of mush. I can't think of anything other than one to eight year old children. I have forgotten what it was like to sleep past noon, have no responsibility, drive a car with only two seats, stay up all night reading a good book. Don't get me wrong, being a mother is the greatest thing I have ever done, but I do need to continue to have some ME time.

My Day

So we are back from vacation. Lots to write just not a lot of time today. I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and the kids decided to get out every toy we own. Oh and I came around the corner to find the baby hanging out in the fridge. I guess one of the girls opened it for him (no one will fess up). I got some great pics from our trip and will post them later. Right now I have to get back to the Chaos.

Anniversary

We are on vacation and having a great time. Today is our nine year anniversary. Wow, wow everybody!!!! After the kids crashed last night we stayed up way to late sitting on the couch talking and just being. As much as we drive each other nuts, I am so glad he is mine. Love you Matt.

Denial

Nope it's not a river in Egypt! So I gave my best friend Hannah access to my blog. I don't really have a good explanation as to why it took so long to do. Maybe because she is a lot like my husband in the way she razzes me, and I thought she would think it was way to cheesy. (which i admit it totally is) Maybe because it makes me feel quite vulnerable. I don't know. So the possibility of her (Hannah) moving seems to be not so much a possibility anymore. I have to say, as excited as I am for the opportunity this is for her family, I am selfishly dreading the news of "We got the Job". Getting teary so I will get back to that later.

So we are going on a much needed vacation on Monday. Trying to get back to our Hillbilly roots we are going to Branson. Matt even said he wanted to have one of those old time saloon pictures done. You know the ones I'm talking about, tin, black and white, great costumes. I am really looking forward to this little trip. Most of all the kids are so excited. This really is a trip for them.

irritated

come on, it is almost not even worth leaving my house alone anymore!!!! i come home to an absolute tornado like mess. i mean would it kill you to actually WATCH the kids? the house smells like a stink bomb and the kids have even managed to get out their winter coats from storage(which they know not to do). off to clean - AGAIN - more later. sidenote-swimsuit shopping SUCKS!

Graduation

Our niece Mackenzie graduated from high school a couple a weeks ago. It was on a Sunday evening and they live a few hours away so I stayed home with the baby and Matt took the older three kids. I took a picture of the girls before they left and I just haven't had the time to post it. Little girls are so funny when they get dressed up. I love that they know how beautiful they are!!!

Ice Cream

Maverick had a great first birthday. He had his first ice cream cone and thoroughly enjoyed it. I cannot believe he is one!!! Time really is going by too fast. Makes me sad.

His Year

Tomorrow is Maverick's first birthday. This time last year I was preparing to have him by c-section. Is it really possible that it has been a year? His first year of life has been absolutely amazing. He is a wonderful baby who is full of his own little personality. He makes me laugh everyday, a sure "maverick". I am so thankful for this little boy.

You are beginning to walk and your favorite word is "Da-da". You enjoy unrolling the toilet paper in the bathroom and you squeal when you know you've been caught. You have really started getting into your baby food, which makes me very happy!! So far you like everything I've given you. You are definitely my busiest baby, on the go all day then crashing for a power nap or bedtime. Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!!!

Happy Birthday Matt

I love you so very much!!!! Hope you have a great day!!

Motherhood

Eight years ago today I was discharged from the hospital after having my first baby. Some mothers day that was. I was experiencing feelings that I never knew existed. Sorrow, grief-This was not my plan. I don't think to many people think about what if would be like if you are to go home without your baby. They don't talk about it in the birthing classes. Nobody tells you how to DEAL when something goes terribly wrong. I think along with the regular birthing classes they should teach a reality class. Not to scare first time parents but to educate and prepare them for the what if. Anyway, becoming a mother was not anything like I had expected it to be. Over the last eight years I have experience a wider arrange of emotions than I even knew existed. The greatest joy and the greatest sorrow all wrapped up into this body, the motherhood body. That is another thing I was not prepared for-the stretching out and the going back, weight up and down, stretch marks, nursing boobs.

My four children are my absolute greatest joy and I cannot imagine life without them. I am so thankful that the Lord has entrusted them to me-their mother. I will do the best I can to raise them to be strong children/young people for the Lord and to love and serve him in all they do. This is my mission as a mother-what mother's day means to me.

My Eight Year Old

Man do I feel old. My little girl turned eight on the sixth. We celebrated with a big cookout on Saturday. Maddox turned four today so we joined his party with Karson's. She is the type of kid that could care less if her party is at the same time as her little brother. It has been fun watching her with her friends. She is definitely not your typical eight year old. She doesn't sass, or roll her eyes, or think she is bigger than she really is. I am so thankful that the Lord has still preserved such an innocence in her. Some may see this as immaturity but I see it as a blessing, she is not growing up to fast. I took her to Target on Sunday so she could spend her birthday money. We must have walked up and down every isle. She finally settled on a Cabbage Patch Doll. I love that she is still into playing baby dolls. Still so much a little girl, still so pure.

Mr. Personality

I met my husband on a blind date. My little sister and her boyfriend at the time set us up. He was a teacher at her high school. Random?-Yes! Life-changing?-Yes. That night I met the love of my life. I knew after our that first date that we would be married. Here we are almost ten years later and so much has happened. We were pregnant two months into marriage so I guess you can say we hit the ground running. Money, sex, babies, surgeries, death-we have definitely had our share of ups and downs. I knew that at some point one of our children would be like Matt. He has his smile, his energy, his hair. I found a picture of Matt today taken when he was one. The resemblance is uncanny. I look at Maverick and imagine that this is what Matt was like as a baby. I pray that he will grow to be an amazing man like his father.

On my mind

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone, When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on) If you feel like letting go, (hold on) When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand. If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no you are not alone.
(Berry/Buck)

You are in my prayers-hang in there bro.

Sassy and Sweet

We had the girls sixteen months apart. Close together in age but worlds apart in personality. I didn't set out doing anything different in parenting them and yet they are so unique in their own ways. Kinley (on the left) is small for her size but makes up for it in attitude. She was a leader from the start. The trick has been setting boundaries for her without breaking her spirit. She is a perfectionist by nature always striving to do and be the best. She will be the one that gives me grey hair as she grows but I can see her being my great friend when she is an adult.

Karson (on the right) has been a love since birth. Born with a spirit unlike anything I have ever seen. She has been an absolute joy every day of her life. She will be eight years old next week and is growing up so fast. I love both of you girls so much. You are both my joy and I am so thankful for you.

Field Trip

I joined Karson and her class as a sponsor today on a field trip. We went to Rose State to see a production called Bodiology. Cheesy songs about what our bodies are made up of and how to take care of them. It was great fun and I enjoyed getting to spend some one on one with Karson. I have to say that I am so thankful that Matt is so flexible. He took the entire day off just to watch the boys. I love that it was important to him that I be able to go with Karson. He has traveled so much since we have been married and I am becoming quite spoiled having him in town now.

Weekend Fun

Rosy cheeks, skinned knees, ratty hair, dirty nails, dirt ring around the bathtub, all four kids asleep by 7:00 - A great weekend. On Saturday Matt and his dad spent most of the morning fixing a leak in our bathroom. I took the older three kids to the grocery store to pick up food for our cookout. We had friends over that evening and had a great time. It was the first time we have fired up the grill since winter. We spent Sunday playing out in the yard and soaking in the warm sun. Great weekend!!!

YEH!!!!

I'm so GLAD that Sangia is going home!!!!!! Now the real talent will have a chance to shine.

Back in the Saddle

So I hit the gym today. You know it's been a long time when they red flag your account. 28 days off-yep what a break. I hopped on the elliptical trainer thinking I would bust out a good 30-minute workout. Five minutes into it I feel like I am going to vomit. How many days does it take to re-form a habit?

Our Little Poet

Kinley was recognized at school today for being a Piedmont Poet. She has memorized and recited 10 poems of at least 50 words this year. She will get to attend a special field trip and she received a really cool Wildcat car sticker. We are very proud of you Kinley!!!!!

About Me

10 Things I love

1. Diet Coke

2. Gap favorite t (black, white, grey)

3. Brownie mix

4. Sweats

5. New white sneakers

6. Fresh cut flowers

7. Vodka tonic with lime (hot day by the pool)

8. Sunset

9. Clean sheets

10. New socks

Just thought I would share something light today-Kristy

Fast and Furious

The last 24 hours has been a blur in this house. A stomach bug hit my family like a freight train leaving in it's path achy bodies and vomit laundry. It started with me and ended with the baby sparing only Kinley. Even Matt got it, which is strange. He has only been sick one other time since we have been married. The good news is that we are all better today! I have to say that if we have to get a bug I prefer the quick ones. In the moment they are quite intense but pass so quick. Today will be filled with lots of TLC, movie watching, saltine crackers, mopping of the bathrooms, and laundry.

Reality

If you think you have it bad, spend a day at Children's Hospital. What a reality check!!! Even still, I hate going down there. Everything about the hospital makes my stomach hurt. Walking through the halls I can still hear the screams of past tests being done that I could not go in on due to being pregnant with Kinley. Even the smell of the hand soap in the bathroom makes me want to vomit. Another test today-Lots of blood, lots of tears, lots of bathroom trips (on my part). Trying everything in my power to make it better but coming up just a little bit short. My brave little girl, you show so much strength.

I'm in a funk today. I think the last few weeks of running on adrenaline and diet coke are catching up with me. The weather didn't help either. It was pretty grey outside so I spent the entire day in my jammies playing with the baby and eating the kids Easter candy. Matt and Maddox went to the lake so it was pretty quiet around the house. More doctor appointments tomorrow. I am getting sick of them.

Happy easter everyone!!!!!

Deliver

The hand of the Lord has done this. (Job 12:9)

I believe that God delivers in three ways. I think he will deliver us through a situation, out of a situation or deliver us unto him. This week my God delivered again. This is not the first time he has deliver my family through a trial. I am so overcome with thankfulness for the amazing work he has done in Karson. He continues to perform miracles in her daily. She is already such a testimony and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store for her. Thank-you to everyone for all of your support and prayers. We are a blessed family with so much to rejoice about this Easter weekend.

American Idol

Maverick says "Vote Sanjaya"

Armor

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:10-12

This weekend has been pretty uneventful.(The way I like it) I took the older kids to Sam's club today for some serious bulk shopping. This family can go through the food. The weather here was beautiful today, and I have an itching to plant my spring and summer flowers. I am looking forward to Easter this next weekend. We are having Matt's family over for lunch and egg hunting. We have Karson's neuro appointment on Tuesday so if you are reading this please keep us in your prayers.

Cute

I had to post this picture just because he is so CUTE!!! I can't believe he is getting so big. It makes me sad (I love babies)

Another Week

Well here I am at the end of another crazy week. Karson has done very well this week. Matt was out of town at the beginning of the week so I was manning the house and kids, and I even had to clean out a couple of bays at the car wash. The weather has been rainy all week and we even had a tornado yesterday. Our electricity was out so I wasn't even aware that a tornado was in our area. The sirens started blaring, I grabbed the baby and three screaming kids and headed to the basement. No damage at our house but about six miles east of us was hit pretty hard. I went back to school today with Karson. It was a lot of fun and very heartwarming to see Karson with all of her classmates. We stayed until lunch and then came home to rest. She is still adjusting to the seizure medication. The neuro team from Children's called yesterday and said that our appointment had been bumped up to Tuesday. I was thrilled at first then began to wonder why we were getting in so quickly. I think the anxiety of waiting is taking a toll on me. I am just ready for some answers and a plan. Those of you who know me know that I NEED a plan. When Matt got home today we decided to head out in the rain for some much needed Mexican food. The picture that is posted is of the kids playing before we left.

Milestones

Kinley Grace learned to ride her bike without training wheels this weekend. She and Matt spent most of the afternoon yesterday going up and down the driveway. Every time she realized that Matt had let go of the bike she would shriek with excitement. So much fun to watch. We are so very proud of you Kinley!!!!

The Calm

Karson had a repeat seizure on Thursday. No convulsions this time just the double vision then the period of no response. We spent Friday at Children's ER. I have to say she is the bravest little girl I know. We received the results from her MRI. In the moment that the doctor was talking to us I felt that I was not even in my body. Like I was hovering and watching everything take place in front of me. I know that there are so many people with situations a lot worse than our own but it is NOT FAIR. I am sick of it always being Karson. This morning I was reading a devotional and God is always so good at giving me exactly what I need. "What do you want me to do for you?" (Matt 20:32) The entire devotional was about standing on God's word and being specific in what we ask him for. The Lord has healed Karson before and I know he will do it again.

Gift from God

My precious Karson, I hope you know what an amazing angel you are. I have taken such joy watching you grow over the last seven years. You have been through so much and have been so resilient. Your spirit astounds almost everyone that has contact with you. You truly make an impact on people. God has his hand on you and I know he will be guiding us through whatever happens next. You are a true joy to me and I love you more than you could ever know. Your Mom

Rollercoaster

I've always had such mixed feelings about roller coasters. I know that some people absolutely love them but they terrify me. I want to like them but my body and mind won't let me. Waiting in line the anticipation-stomach turning, up up up up up, that resting place then the fall. Straight down, out of control, screaming, jerking, waiting for it to stop. This roller coaster feeling is the only way I know of describing what my family has been through the last 48 hours. We had just gotten home from school on Thursday when the ride started. Karson started complaining that her right eye was hurting. When I looked at her face I noticed that her left eye was crossed. I told her that she should go and lay on the couch but she didn't make it. She couldn't see and she stumbled into the wall. I grabbed her and laid her on the couch. She looked up at me with great fear, her eyes rolling to the side then limp. I couldn't get her to respond to me in any way. I panicked!!! The rest of what happened is such a blur- Matt getting home and grabbing her off the couch, me driving, calling 911, then the seizure. At the time I had no idea what was happening. Matt was holding her in the front seat she was violently shaking, the ambulance was not getting to us fast enough. I really believed we were losing her. The ER, the Cat Scan, EEG, MRI-too much information. So hard to hear, so scared. Is this really happening?

I'm just saying

It really irritates me when people use the fact that they are a Christian to justify the darkness that they are living in. Lord help me not to have hatred in my heart. I am so thankful that my God is a God of justice and that he brings LIGHT to darkness.

Update

So I am updating my blog after last weeks craziness (and after harassment from my sister). Matt traveled to Seattle last week. It has been a while since he has been out of town (really just three weeks), but it is amazing how spoiled I get when he is in town. When he is gone I realize how much I take his help for granted. Anyway he said that Seattle was beautiful and of course now he wants us to relocate. I've never been but I don't think I would like the constant dreary weather. I need SUN!!! The girls have spring break next week and I think we are going to take a little trip to T-town. The kids want to stay at a hotel and swim and we thought we would take them to the aquarium in Jenks. I took the girls when they were little and they loved it. The girls also want to have a lemonade stand at the carwash so Matt is helping them make a booth and signs. So if you are in our area next week stop by the Wash and get some fresh lemonade from the girls. I went outside last night to dump some food into the compost. It was just about dusk and right over the trees at the back of our creek was a hot air balloon. It was like a seen from a postcard. I ran inside and got the kids and Matt. They were so excited to see one right in our backyard. Anyway the point of telling that story is that the girls decided that they are going to buy a hot air balloon with the money they make from their lemonade stand. I love that they have no concept of what things are out of reach for them yet. To them buying a hot air balloon is totally something they can and will do. Life is so simple when you are six and seven.

Time Goes By

Is it almost Wednesday already? This last year has gone by way to fast. My little baby turned nine months old yesterday. Nine months-is that even possible? He is changing so much every day. It is amazing what happens to a baby in the first year of life. He has started crawling and now it seems he is determined to be a big kid. He follows my other three from room to room. My first baby will be turning eight in May. Out of all of my kids she is the one that looks exactly the same as when she was a baby. I was reading one of my sister's friends blogs about the hearts capacity to love more than one child. I have to say it is amazing how much I love each one of my kids. They are all so unique and have such different personalities and I love them each so differently. It's late and I am starting to be a little to sappy. More later-Kristy

Maddox My Love

There is nothing more rewarding then your child showing you love. Before Maddox went to bed this evening we were saying I love you and he looked at me and said "I love you bigger". He warms my heart. I love him so much. Kristy

Oh The Guilt

I never knew how much I would wrestle with guilt!! Guilt over doing too much, guilt over doing too little. It seems to be around me all the time. Today Kinley had a little Kindergarten performance at school. Sounds exciting right? Everything was great until that end moment when the principal said thanks to all the parents for coming. Then she told all of the children to tell their parents good-bye. As Kinley was walking toward me I could see that we were going to have a meltdown. The bottom lip was quivering, tears in the eyes. She was going to pull out all the stops. So after a tearful good-bye she went off to class and recovered just fine. I left and spent the rest of the morning and a good part of the afternoon feeling guilty. It's so hard being a parent sometimes. Hard to do the right thing over picking her up and saying that she didn't have to go to school today or ever. -Kristy

"Let's do this". I am making an attempt to start this blog. Despite what some may think, I am actually excited about this. So today was crazy as usual. The weather was nice so we spent the majority of the day outside. Matt set up an obstacle course for the kids and then timed them as they went through it. Nothing like stirring up a little sibling competition. Karson as always was just excited to be alive, Kinley and Maddox argued about who had a better time, and Maverick crawled around exploring gravel and eating grass. Life is good!!!!! More tomorrow.