Avoiding

Well now is the time to backtrack. Karson had a seizure last night, and well this is her third since I took her off her medication. My stomach fills with vomit as I look at her. So tired and lifeless. So hard to hold on to the truth I know..... So hard not to play the blame game which I am quite good at. If I assume everything is my fault then I can handle the outcome. Right? No!!!!! So, two spring breaks ago, Karson had her first seizure. I was home alone after school with all four kiddos. There were leftover cinnamon rolls and she was standing at the bar filling her plate. We were gettig ready to head back to the car because she had tutoring at four. So, she heats up the roll and I notice that something is off. The only thing I knew to watch for was aortic anurism. She started eating then fell into the wall, completly unresponsive. I moved her to the couch and called Matt. Her eyes rolled back into her head and I started screaming! Poor Kinley, way too much to ask of this baby to gather up all three kids and get them in the car. But not to my surprize she was right on. Karson was unresponsive and I just kept laying my head to her chest to see if I could hear a heart beat, while at the same time screaming "don't die on me" Have to stop right here because we are having a serious storm. More next post